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Losses and Gains

Posted on Sunday, July 19th, 2015 under Life | No comments

My dad passed away this past week. He'd been battling diabetes for a while but his body had finally deteriorated beyond a recoverable point. At the funeral, I mentioned lots of this love and miss about him but as I think through it now, I think what I will miss most is the constant of being there.

I have never been good with communication or consistency or with both in conjunction. I don't even know how many letters I got from Dad that I didn't reply to. Not out of laziness really but just lack of focus and follow through. I was going through some old emails from Dad and I saw one where he asked for design help and two months later I replied with a logo. Looking back at it now, there's no way I could have been that busy with school or work that it would take so long. I think I just always assumed he'd be there waiting and it's okay if I got to it eventually.

And that's what it is. The constant of Dad being there. That's what I'll miss most. Being there for me to call and ask questions about my car or finances. Being there to ask about my work and how things had changed with Apple's latest hardware/software release. As much as I would sometimes shrug or disagree, I'm gonna miss him offering advice to help fix all the worries I had. And it's silly, but I'm gonna miss him being a spoiled little kid and all of us being good Cortez children and bringing him fun goodies and toys for the holidays.

Last night I got to hold my new nephew Jameson for the first time. He was actually born a whole week early, the day before Dad's funeral. So cute and a little bit of his mom and his dad in his features. Later on when Colby and I shared a tiny bottle of Jameson whiskey to celebrate, he said it best: "Here's to gains and losses." My dad would be proud of them starting a new family and I only hope that I could be as dependable a person to that little kid as my dad was for me.

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