Friday the 10th
Sometimes days are supposed to go one one way and end up going another. I think I was hoping today would be one of those really great and amazing Fridays that I later dream about returning to or skipping work for -- but looking back, I feel like a good chunk of the enjoyment was diminished because of the lack of involvement on the part of my D-Group (D stands for Discipleship) at this afternoon's meeting.
It was supposed to be (what I thought of as) a super-comfortable and simple meeting time with virtually no requirements or intimidating aspects. And really, I had planned it as a litmus test for everyone to see if the lack of fulfillment I am finding in leading/participating in this group was my fault or that of the group members. Sadly enough, I have to say that I am disappointed in most of the group. Some came and participated, everyone else came late and did nothing or didn't show at all. Of course, this would be understandable if it was the first time it happened or if my group was larger than 10 people, but in fact, this is typical. I have never actually had the entire group show up and meet together at the same time. Before today, I felt as thought that was a failure on my part, but now I believe that I am more clearly seeing that sad distinction between a busy schedule/forgetfulness and a tendency toward laziness and mediocrity.
What I had originally hoped for was a short but fun meeting on an easy day (Fridays) with students eager for a relaxing time of fellowship and learning. That is pretty much what the group was described as, yet I instead have had to deal with students that are tired and disinterested and less motivated than imaginable. Understandable? Possibly, since these are college students from a generation that more and more wants good things and success handed to them. Encouraging me into leading another D-Group come Spring Semester? Not at all. Frankly, I can't justify the extra time spent away from my work and emotional investment being put into an activity that yields about as much enjoyment as a crappy lunch with friends. Why bother committing to something like this when I could as easily not.
Argh. I apologize if I am not clearinglly expounding the issues I am experiencing with this and if instead I simply sound angry or hurt. It is just that I continually tell myself that life is just too short to be a part of something you hate or don't enjoy. It's one thing to stay committed to something you or others believe in, but totally another to hold on to a dying dream that everyone else is satisfying to let die.
Um, along some other lines and a happier note ... I have really been enjoying the music of Jack's Mannequin, even if he has more of a dendency to curse than not. Something about his voice and the energy of his piano melodies ... I really like it. Watched Say Anything last night (thanks Missy for the borrow). Wonderful movie about life and love, plus John Cusack is the best. I've really been enjoying what I will call the "wiggle work" I have done with the last couple of sketches. I think it adds a really great depth/real quality to my line work (I am definitely a fan of John Martz work, though). And I think I am going to start doing more canvas painting. That's all for now.
Oh ... almost forgot. Check out this post by Max Hsu (of Superchic[k]) ... kinda along the same lines of my last post, but with actual advice.
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